I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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