shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
