She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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