Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
