You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
We are all done wearing pants today
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
