we have pet lesbian snakes
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
