I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
