I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
