his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
