the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Semen is not good for contacts.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
