You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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