Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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