White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
