No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
