she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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