I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
