I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
