i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
