i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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