Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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