Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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