It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
