When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
