I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
