Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
