hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
