Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
