Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Randomize
