i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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