I'm really into asian looking animals
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
