He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
there was a trapeze. enough said
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
