I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
