I'm pants shitting drunk right now
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
