there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
