It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
