We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
The beers last night were like the tears from god
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
