I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
