my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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