I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
