I wish i was in the wii world.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
