man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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