I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
