naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
