I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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