This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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