the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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