omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
