Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
