His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
