She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
