I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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