Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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