We need to start having sex underwater more often.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
