I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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