Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
