i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
