I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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