Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
