So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
