We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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