That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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