our cab driver is having phone sex.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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