Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
