ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
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