he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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