Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
