Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
