i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I lost the right to judge tonight
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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