I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
