I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
